I Can't Lead You Home
by HannahCake310
Summary: "Bones!" She heard Kirk yell as she came around the corner to the transport room. Dr. McCoy stood on the pad with a large bag clutched in tight to his person. Baker slid into the room. Here she could see the transporter, exits and Kirk's anguished face. He must still have drugs in his system, he swayed on his feet. "Where are you going?"


**Based off the prompt by the very kind mckirkbyjoja, " _Bones requested a transfer off Jim's ship. Spock agreed. Jim was not asked. But he found out and …_ "**

* * *

Lieutenant Harley Baker was good at her job. Everyone on _Enterprise_ excelled in their placement but she was different because she was _good_ and she _loved_ it. She favored holding a phaser tight in her hand – finger ready on the trigger. She enjoyed the constant panic of away missions. She liked walking down the hall with her colleges shoulder to shoulder and having ensigns scurry out of their way while looking at them in awe as they passed. Baker liked her red shirt, was proud of it. She'd fought to get this shirt tooth and nail sailing through the academy and graduating not top of the class by any means but far enough up there to make her proud.

The first time she'd donned her red colored shirt was when Vulcan sent out a distress signal and the fleet mobilized using most if not all of the senior cadets. She'd been assigned to _Enterprise_ because she's earned it, damnit, and no other reason. She was a nobody from nowhere and as such had no connections. She wasn't particularly good at anything save security – and that wasn't something she took lightly. Most civilians had this warped sense about red shirts – that they always die. That being in red meant you were dead the instant you went dirtside on away missions. Her own mother had cried when she'd told her she'd be a red shirt on _Enterprise_. She'd mourned her death even while she'd stood stoic in front of her. The public, and even some of the Admiralty that hadn't started as a red shirted ensign pained the red as blood, as foot soldiers that were damned when they put the shirt on. But that wasn't true. Sure, the mortality rate for security was lower than someone in blue or gold but that was purposeful. If it was a Captain's failure to lose a crew member then it's the crews' biggest failure to lose their captain. So, they don't. And won't if Baker has anything to say about it.

Baker stood to the side of Captain Kirk's biobed eyes divided between watching for any distress in the Captain and scanning the MedBay for possible threats. There was a commotion from Dr. McCoy's office before the doors slid open and said man stormed out head down and fists clenched. His eyes were hidden but Baker could see anguish written on his face as he left the 'Bay through the main doors. Commander Spock walked out of the office a second later looking like the straight backed Vulcan he was until his eyes landed on the Captain's unconscious body. His eyes softened and for the first time Baker saw what others had only whispered about.

 _His human eyes._

They truly were human as he hesitated across the 'Bay staring at Kirk. Baker looked to the commander who then noticed her eyes, met them and nodded before leaving. Baker thought the whole thing was strange but said nothing. That was not her job. Her job was to stand here and guard the captain and she would do it and try to the best of her ability to not think about the fact that both the XO and CMO had been yelling at each other in the CMO's office.

Baker clutched her phaser, squared her shoulders and waited eyes peeled for danger.

It was less than an hour later that the captain started to groan. Baker alerted a nurse – Chapel. Chapel liked Red Shirts – and the blonde came running over. It took a second or three before Captain Kirk opened his eyes after swiveling them around under his lids. When they flashed opened his normally blue eyes looked dull and murky.

"Bones..?" He breathed but Chapel got close to his face.

"No Captain, its Nurse Chapel."

Captain Kirk looked around confused for a second then sighed as he sat back. Chapel asked a few questions that he mumbled out answers to and she nodded at before fixing a few medications and leaving. Kirk watched her go with a frown marring his pale face. He looked like shit, Baker thought but would never say. She didn't get this far up in the ranks by being an ass.

"Report." Captain Kirk had turned to her.

Baker didn't smile as she would have if she'd been in the mess or lounge. Instead she squared her shoulders, lips tight. "You're off duty, sir."

That seemed to surprise the captain a second before he rolled his eyes. "Don't make me pull rank, Baker."

"Yes sir," she huffed with just enough annoyance to not be insubordinate but convey her unspoken thoughts. "You were poisoned by a member of the crew who is currently in the brig."

"Poisoned?" He asked a little breathless. "By a crew member…"

"Affirmative."

Kirk waited for Baker to continue but when she didn't he prompted, "What else?"

Another sigh. This wasn't her job, it was a nurses' job or hell even the CMO's duty to inform Kirk on his medical trauma. She was used to sitting in the back eyes peeled or thrust to the front – silent but alert. "Dr. McCoy then worked on you for five hours and thirty minutes before he deemed you safe and brought you out here to recover. That was two days ago."

Kirk looked once again at the CMO's door frowning possibly wondering why Dr. McCoy was not by his bedside as he usually was. Baker was wondering the same thing, actually. After a moment Kirk gazed back up at her. "And why are you here?"

"To protect you sir-"

"I don't need protection on my own ship, Lieutenant." He spat not angry but with a hint of pride. It wasn't all misplaced but at the moment was not fitting.

Anger at both herself and her team for not noticing there was a traitor on the ship flared once again under her skin. It didn't burn like it had when she'd been called in to oversee the captain, but it was still hot. "Actually sir, you do. Someone attempted to kill you and while they failed it is in your best interest to have a bodyguard with you at all times."

He seemed to deflate a little at her words. He sighed before shifting his shoulders for comfort on the uncomfortable biobed. "Don't you have better things to do? Surly you've got some security ensign to rough up."

Baker rolled her eyes thinking about the one and only time Kirk had asked her to spar. She'd been the only other crew member awake at such a late hour in the gym. He'd beaten her but it'd been a close thing, both had bruises when they'd ended.

"No sir. You are my top priority right now."

He was quiet for a moment more before asking what had surly been on his mind a while. "Where's Dr. McCoy?" Baker hesitated. "Baker?"

"I'm not sure sir." She admitted truthfully

"Find me a PADD." Again, hesitation from the Baker. "Please."

 _Fine_. She internally rued the day she decided to work under such a stubborn pain in the ass commander before about-facing to find a PADD. She went to the nurses station, retrieved the device and came back handing it to him as he positioned the biobed up into a sitting position. He clicked a few things on the device but Baker didn't see, already scanning for any threats, anything out of the ordinary. Anything that could harm her captain.

It was a light gasp that brought her attention back to the man in the bed. She flung her head down at him to see his face become a chalky pale. His hands started to shake as they gripped the PADD. He looked like he might be sick.

"Go…" he choked out through clenched teeth."Could you go find Chapel for me?"

Baker didn't hesitate. Something was wrong. "Yes sir." She shot off looking for the nurse up and down the isle of beds. She laid eyes on her when a strange feeling prickled the back of her neck. She turned, brow creased to see the back of Kirk's back as he scurried out of the MedBay. "Damnit!" She took off after him.

"Sir!" She called once she'd caught up. He was sweaty and breathing hard. The pants and shirt he'd been dressed in after surgery clung to his body at odd places. She glared at crew members who passed the captain giving him skeptical looks.

 _He's not crazy_ , her eyes told them. _Well… He may be crazy,_ her consciences tells her.

"Stay back, Lieutenant." Kirk growled in full on Captain's Voice. Baker let him get a few steps ahead of her still keeping pace.

"Bones!" She heard Kirk yell as she came around the corner to the transport room. Dr. McCoy stood on the pad with a large bag clutched in tight to his person. Baker slid into the room and stood where the ensign working the controls sat on duty. Here she could see the transporter, exits and Kirk's anguished face.

"Where are you… What are you doing?" He must have drugs in his system still, his voice sounded so weak, he swayed on his feet.

"Jim…" _You should be in sickbay_ , Baker could almost hear the unspoken worlds in the air. McCoy collected himself after his falter and scowled. "I can't do it anymore, Jim. I can't. Away missions are one thing but they were a part of the crew! Those people were _Starfleet_ and they tried to _kill you_. I can't be a part of something that can't even weed out the fucking moles." McCoy's words seemed to arrack Kirk with every syllable. He flinched as if he'd been hit. "I can't keep saving you."

Kirk looked close to tears. She'd never seen the man like this. She'd seen him angry as hell, exhausted and bloodied but not this. Not this defeated look crossing his features. "What do you-"

"One day I won't be able to save you." McCoy wouldn't let Kirk finish a sentence. Baker thought that was purposeful on the Doctor's part. "You're gonna be on the table, I'm gonna have my arms in your chest and you're gonna die and that's gonna be it and I'm not sticking around for that day."

A small light changed Kirk's features for a second. He stood up straightening his back. "Transfer request denied."

"Jim-"

"Denied."

"Acting Captain Spock already approved it."

"He _what_?" Betrayal. Hurt and betrayal filled Captain Kirk's eyes. His shoulders drooped the smallest amount. "So you just decided you were gonna leave and-"

"I got an offer at a hospital in Georgia months ago, near where Joanna goes to school. I-I need to be around her more, Jim. I'm not gonna be some dead beat dad. Not anymore." It sounded like a lie even to Baker. A cover up for the real truth. "Don't make this personal-"

" _Fuck_ yeah it's personal Leonard! You're leaving the ship! You're leaving the crew! You're leaving me…" His voice went from a near shout to a whisper that Baker had to strain her ears to hear. She shouldn't be listening, she shouldn't but it was like a hovercar wreak – she just couldn't look away. McCoy took a deep breath, Kirk was breathing so hard it moved his whole body. He took a step forward to the transporter but McCoy mirrored taking a step back succeeding in getting on the transport area.

"I can't do this anymore." McCoy whispered. "I will always love you, Jim. Always-"

"No." Kirk seemed to pull himself together by sheer force of will. His eyes turned to an impossible steel blue that would have shrank a smaller man. "No. You don't get to do that. You don't get to tell me you love me then leave. That's not how this works."

"I'm sorry Jim." Dr. McCoy looked over at the techie who had been trying his best to cover up that he'd been listening. "Energize."

"No!" Captain Kirk almost moved in slow motion as the beam engulfed Dr. McCoy and he vanished. Kirk looked down at the place where his CMO – and something more? – had once been. He swayed to the side, Baker could see his legs start to give out and jutted forward catching him before his pliant body could hit the held on to her and she him as his face became almost ghostly and sweat poured from his forehead.

"Don't fall in love, Baker." He whispered before he sagged losing all the fight in his body. His blue eyes became murky once again while the hand that had been holding onto her fell to the side, palm open looking more defeated than she had ever seen. He seemed to shut down from the inside. His body started to shake in her hands.

"Alert Medical." Baker ordered just as the captain's eyes drew back into his head.


End file.
